You, too, can interview Sarah Palin! Try this hilarious random Palin interview answer generator.
For example:
Q: Why should the US elect Senator McCain?
A: John McCain has a great plan to get people to understand that the lobbyists play in an issue that we take the fight over there. Oil and coal? Of course, it's a fungible commodity and they do not have to lead, as I said, to a position like we are able to speak with him the other day and giving him my commitment, as John McCain's running mate, that we work together on this, and not choosing a real easy path where he could be more comfortable and certainly taking shots from the other party, also. Americans are just getting sick and tired of that is what it leads us to remind Russia that it's Americans that get stuck to holding the bag without the energy source that is strong and that important an issue that we will be committed to Georgia.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
MADLIB OF THE WEEK
If you’d like to volunteer to contribute the fill-ins for a future MADLIB OF THE WEEK, email me.
This week’s words contributed by:
A sharp-witted, creative friend who wishes to remain anonymous
This week’s submission:
An excerpt from Sarah Palin's interview with Charlie Gibson of ABC News.
Sarah Palin:
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
Can you look the country in the eye and say, I have the experience, and I have the ability to be not just vice president, but perhaps president of the United States of America?
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
I do, Charlie, and on January 20th, when John McCain and I are sworn in, if we are so privileged to be elected to serve this country, we’ll be ready. I’m ready.
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
When McCain asked you to take the number two spot on the ticket, for a moment, did you think no?
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
I did not. I thought yes, right off the bat. When he offered me the position, as his running mate, the first thing I said to him was, if you really think that I can help perform cunnilingus, if you really think I can help perform cunnilingus, absolutely, I want to do this with you.
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
And you didn’t say to yourself, am I experienced enough? Am I ready?
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
I didn’t hesitate, no.
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
Doesn’t that take some hubris?
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
I answered him yes because I have the confidence in that readiness. And knowing that you can’t blink. You have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the mission, the mission that we’re on, reform of this country, and victory in Chutes and Ladders. You can’t transmogrify. So, I didn’t transmogrify then even, when asked to run as his running mate.
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
But this is not just reforming a government. This is also running a government on the huge international stage, in a very dangerous world. When I asked John McCain about your national security credentials, he cited the fact you have command of the Alaskan National Guard and that Alaska is close to Russia. Are those sufficient credentials?
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
But it is about reform of government. And it’s about putting government back on the side of the people. And that has much to do with foreign policy and national security issues. Let me speak specifically about a credential that I do bring to this table, Charlie. And that’s with the scrapbooking that I’ve been working on for these years, as the governor of this state, that produces nearly 20% of the US domestic supply of scrapbooking. That I worked on as chairman of the Alaska Scrapbooking Commission, overseeing the design sense of the girls I went to junior high school with in our state, to produce more for the United States.
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
National security is a lot more than scrapbooking.
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
It is. But I want you to not lose sight of the fact that scrapbooking is a foundation of national security. It’s that important. It’s that comatose.
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
Did you ever travel outside of the country prior to your trip to Kuwait and Germany last year?
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
St. Helena. The Moon. And then, yeah, that trip that was a trip of a lifetime, to visit our troops in Kuwait and stop and visit our injured soldiers in Germany. That was a trip of a lifetime and it changed my life.
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
Have you ever met a foreign head of state?
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
I have not. And I think if you go back in history and if you ask that question of many vice presidents, they may have the same answer that I just gave you. But Charlie, again, we got to remember what the desire is in this nation, at this time. It is for "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler. And somebody’s big, fat big toe maybe that shows decades and decades in that Washington establishment, where, yeah, they’ve had opportunity to meet heads of state.
This week’s words contributed by:
A sharp-witted, creative friend who wishes to remain anonymous
This week’s submission:
An excerpt from Sarah Palin's interview with Charlie Gibson of ABC News.
Sarah Palin:
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
Can you look the country in the eye and say, I have the experience, and I have the ability to be not just vice president, but perhaps president of the United States of America?
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
I do, Charlie, and on January 20th, when John McCain and I are sworn in, if we are so privileged to be elected to serve this country, we’ll be ready. I’m ready.
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
When McCain asked you to take the number two spot on the ticket, for a moment, did you think no?
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
I did not. I thought yes, right off the bat. When he offered me the position, as his running mate, the first thing I said to him was, if you really think that I can help perform cunnilingus, if you really think I can help perform cunnilingus, absolutely, I want to do this with you.
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
And you didn’t say to yourself, am I experienced enough? Am I ready?
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
I didn’t hesitate, no.
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
Doesn’t that take some hubris?
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
I answered him yes because I have the confidence in that readiness. And knowing that you can’t blink. You have to be wired in a way of being so committed to the mission, the mission that we’re on, reform of this country, and victory in Chutes and Ladders. You can’t transmogrify. So, I didn’t transmogrify then even, when asked to run as his running mate.
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
But this is not just reforming a government. This is also running a government on the huge international stage, in a very dangerous world. When I asked John McCain about your national security credentials, he cited the fact you have command of the Alaskan National Guard and that Alaska is close to Russia. Are those sufficient credentials?
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
But it is about reform of government. And it’s about putting government back on the side of the people. And that has much to do with foreign policy and national security issues. Let me speak specifically about a credential that I do bring to this table, Charlie. And that’s with the scrapbooking that I’ve been working on for these years, as the governor of this state, that produces nearly 20% of the US domestic supply of scrapbooking. That I worked on as chairman of the Alaska Scrapbooking Commission, overseeing the design sense of the girls I went to junior high school with in our state, to produce more for the United States.
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
National security is a lot more than scrapbooking.
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
It is. But I want you to not lose sight of the fact that scrapbooking is a foundation of national security. It’s that important. It’s that comatose.
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
Did you ever travel outside of the country prior to your trip to Kuwait and Germany last year?
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
St. Helena. The Moon. And then, yeah, that trip that was a trip of a lifetime, to visit our troops in Kuwait and stop and visit our injured soldiers in Germany. That was a trip of a lifetime and it changed my life.
CHARLES GIBSON (ABC NEWS)
Have you ever met a foreign head of state?
GOVERNOR SARAH PALIN (REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE)
I have not. And I think if you go back in history and if you ask that question of many vice presidents, they may have the same answer that I just gave you. But Charlie, again, we got to remember what the desire is in this nation, at this time. It is for "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler. And somebody’s big, fat big toe maybe that shows decades and decades in that Washington establishment, where, yeah, they’ve had opportunity to meet heads of state.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Absolutely No Experience Required. None.
The Bush Administration is seeking a few good power-grubbing, souless hacks to help carry out our mission to destroy the world before the end of our final term. If you're currently unemployed, breathing, easily influenced, and lacking any significant moral fortitude, boy howdy have we got jobs for you!
With the American public so distracted by the election and the economic fallout, you'll have free reign to basically do whatever the f&%k you want. AND, there's more! If you apply before Friday we'll throw in a special Presidential Pardon Guarantee as a signing bonus!
But you must hurry! There's not much time left to apply for a job with the Bush Administration.
With the American public so distracted by the election and the economic fallout, you'll have free reign to basically do whatever the f&%k you want. AND, there's more! If you apply before Friday we'll throw in a special Presidential Pardon Guarantee as a signing bonus!
But you must hurry! There's not much time left to apply for a job with the Bush Administration.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
Department of Interior Employee To Do List
Appointments:
7:45am Blow Greg
10:00am Phone Interview for p/t oil consulting gig
2:30pm Threesome with sluts from Conico Phillips
Other to do:
- Confirm Aspen reservation
- Pick Up Toby Keith tickets
- Snort meth off toaster oven
Election '08 Glossary
Brought to you courtesy of the fine folks at The Onion!
absentee ballot: A form of voting that does not involve the inconvenience of having to get up off the couch and walk to a high school gymnasium.
ballot: An object recording a voter's decision that is frequently counted toward an election's outcome.
caucus: The process by which Americans are quadrennially reminded of Iowa's existence.
convention: The best four-day-long chance a politically active, overweight Kia salesman from Tulsa has to nail one of them blond Fox anchors.
corruption: The most effective and efficient way to produce results in government.
debate: A contest to see which candidate can answer the fewest questions.
delegate: A demented, often screaming individual who experiences intense arousal at the sight of a vertically printed placard bearing his or her state's name.
democracy: A moderately representative plutocracy.
Diebold voting machine: A sophisticated, computerized balloting terminal that electronically changes your vote into a vote for Mitt Romney.
election worker: A male or female at least 70 years of age.
electoral college: A process by which the number of states in the Union is narrowed down to the most important seven or eight.
experience: A quantitative score any politician may increase by slaying foes or solving riddles.
hope: An intangible object within every American that is destroyed every four years in November.
likability: The degree to which each candidate is able to hide the extent to which he or she is full of shit.
lobbyist: A better-paid legislator.
MoveOn.org: A company offering routine tests of your e-mail's spam filter.
platform: A list of the subjects that candidates are willing to discuss; or
A raised structure, almost entirely covered by flags, upon which candidates are placed.
political consultants: Individuals who are very savvy politically, but don't have enough hair to run for office themselves.
pollster: A person who willingly communicates with the elderly.
voter apathy: The reason most American politicians are able to achieve and maintain office.
absentee ballot: A form of voting that does not involve the inconvenience of having to get up off the couch and walk to a high school gymnasium.
ballot: An object recording a voter's decision that is frequently counted toward an election's outcome.
caucus: The process by which Americans are quadrennially reminded of Iowa's existence.
convention: The best four-day-long chance a politically active, overweight Kia salesman from Tulsa has to nail one of them blond Fox anchors.
corruption: The most effective and efficient way to produce results in government.
debate: A contest to see which candidate can answer the fewest questions.
delegate: A demented, often screaming individual who experiences intense arousal at the sight of a vertically printed placard bearing his or her state's name.
democracy: A moderately representative plutocracy.
Diebold voting machine: A sophisticated, computerized balloting terminal that electronically changes your vote into a vote for Mitt Romney.
election worker: A male or female at least 70 years of age.
electoral college: A process by which the number of states in the Union is narrowed down to the most important seven or eight.
experience: A quantitative score any politician may increase by slaying foes or solving riddles.
hope: An intangible object within every American that is destroyed every four years in November.
likability: The degree to which each candidate is able to hide the extent to which he or she is full of shit.
lobbyist: A better-paid legislator.
MoveOn.org: A company offering routine tests of your e-mail's spam filter.
platform: A list of the subjects that candidates are willing to discuss; or
A raised structure, almost entirely covered by flags, upon which candidates are placed.
political consultants: Individuals who are very savvy politically, but don't have enough hair to run for office themselves.
pollster: A person who willingly communicates with the elderly.
voter apathy: The reason most American politicians are able to achieve and maintain office.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Terminate Prop 8
"I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
MADLIB OF THE WEEK
I am so pleased to bring you our first MADLIB OF THE WEEK, a new regular feature here at Political Correctol. Basically, we’ll be flambéing public speeches, press releases, interview transcripts and other statements made by our friends and foes in the political world. Each week I’ll be asking my fellow bloggers, assorted family members, friends, and maybe a few random people off the street to provide the nouns, verbs, adjectives, catchphrases, and other fill-ins. Contributors will have no prior knowledge of the subject matter. If you’d like to volunteer to contribute the fill-ins for a future MADLIB OF THE WEEK, email me.
This week’s words contributed by:
Stod
This week’s submission:
An excerpt from John McCain’s speech at the 2008 Republican National Convention
John McCain:
This week’s words contributed by:
Stod
This week’s submission:
An excerpt from John McCain’s speech at the 2008 Republican National Convention
John McCain:
You well know I've been called a maverick, someone who...
... someone who makes sex tapes. Sometimes it's meant as a compliment; sometimes it's not. What it really means is I understand who I work for. I don't work for a party. I don't work for a special interest. I don't work for myself. I work for Mattel.
I've fought corruption, and it didn't matter if the culprits were Democrats or teenagers. They violated their public trust, and they had to be held accountable.
I've fought the big spenders...
I've fought the big spenders in both parties, who waste your money on things you neither need nor want, and the first big-spending pork-barrel earmark bill that comes across my desk, I will dance. I will make them famous, and you will know their names. You will know their names.
We're not going to allow that while you struggle to buy groceries, fill your gas tank, and make your mortgage payment. I've fought to get million-dollar checks out of our elections. I've fought lobbyists who stole from Indian tribes. I've fought crooked deals in the Pentagon. I've fought tobacco companies and trial lawyers, drug companies and candle makers.
I've fought for the right strategy and more troops in Iraq when it wasn't the popular thing to do.
And when the pundits said -- when the pundits said my campaign was finished, I said “Wang dang doodle!”
And thanks -- thanks to the leadership of a dry general, David Petraeus, and the brave men and women he has the honor to command...
... that -- that strategy succeeded, and it rescued us from a defeat that would have demoralized our military, risked a wider war, and threatened the security of all nuns.
I don't mind a good fight. For reasons known only to Eddie Vedder, I've had quite a few tough ones in my life. But I learned an important lesson along the way: a man who stands up on the toilet is high on pot.
I fight for Americans. I fight for O.J. Simpson.
... someone who makes sex tapes. Sometimes it's meant as a compliment; sometimes it's not. What it really means is I understand who I work for. I don't work for a party. I don't work for a special interest. I don't work for myself. I work for Mattel.
I've fought corruption, and it didn't matter if the culprits were Democrats or teenagers. They violated their public trust, and they had to be held accountable.
I've fought the big spenders...
I've fought the big spenders in both parties, who waste your money on things you neither need nor want, and the first big-spending pork-barrel earmark bill that comes across my desk, I will dance. I will make them famous, and you will know their names. You will know their names.
We're not going to allow that while you struggle to buy groceries, fill your gas tank, and make your mortgage payment. I've fought to get million-dollar checks out of our elections. I've fought lobbyists who stole from Indian tribes. I've fought crooked deals in the Pentagon. I've fought tobacco companies and trial lawyers, drug companies and candle makers.
I've fought for the right strategy and more troops in Iraq when it wasn't the popular thing to do.
And when the pundits said -- when the pundits said my campaign was finished, I said “Wang dang doodle!”
And thanks -- thanks to the leadership of a dry general, David Petraeus, and the brave men and women he has the honor to command...
... that -- that strategy succeeded, and it rescued us from a defeat that would have demoralized our military, risked a wider war, and threatened the security of all nuns.
I don't mind a good fight. For reasons known only to Eddie Vedder, I've had quite a few tough ones in my life. But I learned an important lesson along the way: a man who stands up on the toilet is high on pot.
I fight for Americans. I fight for O.J. Simpson.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Why I Should Be The Vice President
Strong foreign relations experience-- I once spent a day shopping in Tijuana for a sombrero
Virtual expert on energy-- I fill up on gas at least once a week and turn off all the lights before I leave for work each morning
Strong moral values-- I never put the ice cube tray back in the freezer with fewer than five cubes without filling it up first
Ingenuity in economic policy-- I cut big spending by using generic brand toilet paper and reduced my deficit by fixing couch loopholes to re-collect loose change
A real maverick, reformer-- I have been known to wear white after Labor Day
Virtual expert on energy-- I fill up on gas at least once a week and turn off all the lights before I leave for work each morning
Strong moral values-- I never put the ice cube tray back in the freezer with fewer than five cubes without filling it up first
Ingenuity in economic policy-- I cut big spending by using generic brand toilet paper and reduced my deficit by fixing couch loopholes to re-collect loose change
A real maverick, reformer-- I have been known to wear white after Labor Day
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